Backpacking through Europe in 1994

Day 100 • December 15, 1994
Traveling Home!

DAY 100 / 12-15-94
traveling home

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life… And not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.

- Henry David Thoreau

“I want to run
I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside.
I want to reach out
And touch the flame
Where the Streets Have No Name.”
- U2

“How does it feel
To be on your own
With no direction home
Like a complete unknown
Like a rolling stone?”
- Bob Dylan

Rachel woke me up at 5:45 [am] this morning. We ate a quick breakfast & I said goodbye to a sleepy brother, who had just gotten off work at 4:45 [am]. He said he like this kind of goodbye better, being half-asleep. He said it was like a dream, & it didn’t hurt as much. But it was a bitch for me.

We got to the Gare [train station] about 15 minutes early, & I said a quick & less painless (but not by much) goodbye to Rachel, & had a nice ride on the TGV, arriving in Paris at 8:15.

I must’ve looked quite the sight going on the metro, all packed up, ripped jeans, beard, sweating like a pig, looking at my map & trying to SQEEZE through the turnstiles. A very nice lady stopped to help me through, & I tried to explain what I was doing & where I was going, but she just smiled and & gave me 20 francs!

Since I’d been all over the metros in Paris before I didn’t have any trouble making it to the airport. I arrived about 10 [am], & we began boarding at 10:30. The French air doesn’t run quite as punctual as the trains – we were a half-hour late leaving.

I sat next to a girl named Megan from Little Rock, Arkansas. That helped pass the time. So did free drinks (avec/with alcohol even) for the whole flight.

And they showed the best movie I’ve ever seen on an airplane – “Forrest Gump.” And he’s righ, you’ll never know what kind of chocolates you’ll get.

Luckily, I’ve had some pretty good ones. I’ve choked and gagged on a few, but I managed to get them down. And right now I’m in chocolate heaven!

I had no difficulty with customs, and my bag arrived ok, I was able to change terminals quickly, & now I’m sitting in seat 11F, on the runway in Chicago, for my last, LAST leg of traveling for quite some time. (It’s now 11:00 pm for my body).

I feel I should be able to write something profound, ultra-deep, but what I feel inside transcends words. I’ve accomplished what I set out to do: Backpack through Europe, rekindle old friendships, start new ones, discover the world, & discover myself.

Right now, at this exact moment, I am completely at peace with myself. And although it’s the absolute last thing I could want to happen, now that I realize my potential & I have so much to do, this plane could conceivably crash & I’d die, & it would be ok, because I’m at peace with myself.

I guess all that’s left to write, as this plane takes off, are lyrics to 2 more songs. The 1st is the song I want played at my funeral, and the 2nd is the theme song I chose for my journey.

My Way / the Elvis Presly version

And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain
My friend, I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case
Of which I’m certain.
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I’ve traveled each and every highway
And more, much more than this,
I did it my way.

Regrets, I’ve had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through, without exception
I’ve climbed each charted course
Each careful step along the byway
And more, much more than this
I did it my way.
Yes there were times I’m sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there were doubts
I ate it up, and spit it out
I faced it all
And I stood tall
And did it my way.

I’ve loved, I’ve laughed & cried
I’ve had my fill, my share of losing
And now, as tears subside
I find it all so amusing
To think I did all that
And may I say
Not in a shy way
Oh no, Oh no not me, I did it my way

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, than he has not
To say the words he truly feels
And not the words of one who kneels
The record shows
I took the blows
And did it my way

Yes, it was my way.

Today / Smashing Pumpkins

Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known.
Can’t wait for tomorrow, I might not have that long.
I’ll tear my heart out before I get out.
Pink ribbon scars that never forget, I’ve tried so hard to cleanse these regrets.
My angel wings were bruised and restrained, my belly stings.
Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known.

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